It's amazing what friends can do to you. The girls did their best last night to cheer me up, and for their effort I give them ten out of ten. But it wasn't happening, just wasn't in the party spirit.
Then today I saw my bestest friend and it's like he sprinkled pixie dust over me, because all of a sudden I managed a smile! I even laughed, dammit!!
Magical friend. Wish he could find his Princess Charming, he deserves so much more than he has right now. I know who he wants but it's not good for him. Not that he'll listen... gosh, aren't we alike? He's such a good guy, the best one I know. He'll make someone very proud one day. And as long as that someone can handle our friendship, then bring it on! He deserves it.
As for Mr E... well... I just don't know. I know what I want but I can't read him at the moment. I just wish either way he'd do whatever it is he's going to do. If he's not interested anymore then just cut me loose, so to speak. Don't drag it out, just cut to the chase, be a man, and put an end to whatever this thing is that we have. It's all about being cruel to be kind... it might sound harsh, but if he's done with this then I'd rather he just told me straight.
If it's not going to be the end, then we can't go on treading on eggshells like it feels we are at the moment. I don't like eggshells, they graze my feet. I want things to go back to how they were a week or so ago.
In fact, I want to go back to a few years ago and find Mr E then... hindsight's a wonderful thing.
And then there's Mr D. I haven't heard too much from him this weekend because he's been away with his parents - some family wedding or other... but that's ok, has given me some breathing space. It was starting to get a little suffocating, almost a little full on.
I've decided I'm not ready for suffocating and full on. So now I've got to cool it off. It's not what I want yet, and it's not worth it for how it's making me feel elsewhere and for what it's ruining with other people... that probably only makes sense in my wee head!
Right, Sunday evening so time to crash in front of the TV!
Sweet dreams
xxxxxx
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