Revenge is... perfect

Oh Daniel!

Back from my breakfast with Mr X… and, oh, what a breakfast it was!

Firstly, I was suitably late. Not enough for him to have stopped waiting, but just enough for him to be checking his watch every 30 seconds and calling my mobile (I know this because I watched him through the window from afar for a few minutes before putting him out of his misery).

So, suitably late and dressed to impress, I could see he liked what he saw as I stepped in the door of the café. I hate it when guys look me up and down, but was chuffed as his eyes made their way up and down my legs. Ha, check out what you’re missing, Buster!!

I ordered my coffee, sat opposite him, looked him dead in the eye and gave it to him –

I told him what I really think of him (that, basically, in a nutshell, he’s a coward, a creep, the scum of the earth, a low-life worm… no offence to worms); I told him I never want to see him again (and if I do ever see him again he’d better stay away); and I told him just how great my life is now I’ve moved on, now he’s out of my life…

And I did all this with a smile on my face and in a cool, calm and collected fashion.

The boy didn’t know where to look, what to say… he looked truly shell-shocked and I was absolutely chuffed to pieces.

And, for the piece de resistance, when I had finished I didn’t wait around for him to respond. I got up, calmly pushed my chair in, picked up my (Fendi) handbag, and strutted away (maybe wiggling my hips and ass a little more than strictly necessary). 

Oh, and I left him to pay – first for everything.

It felt sooooo good! Daniel, you should’ve been there! His face – haha!

Big smiles!

F

xxxxxxxx

My chance to shine

Danny Danny Danny!

One day away from being officially rid of Mr X for good, and he only decides to go and throw a spanner into the works…

Text last night, word for word:

"We’ve only two days to go. Fleur, are we really doing this? Are we really going our separate ways? I’ve missed you and still do miss you. I don’t want this. I know I was a twat but I’ve changed my ways and I want you back. I’ll fight for you. Tell me what to do and it’s done. I still love you, always will. Please give us another chance, before it’s too late."

Erm… what?!

Has he forgotten what he did to me? How small he made me feel? The mental torture, the physical pain?

Oh boy, I’m so over him!

And I took great joy this morning in applying an extra layer of mascara, an extra coat of lip gloss, pulling on my tightest skirt and my highest heels, and leaving an extra button on my blouse undone… all in preparation for meeting him for breakfast in, ooh, 10 minutes to tell him just how over him I am! I’m going to be late… oh well, he can wait!

Happy Wednesday, everyone!

Mucho kisses

F xxxxxxxx

What I said...

...about it not bothering me if he had a whole string of girlies on the go...

It might bother me, just a little bit...

G'night, dearest Daniel - keep those fingers firmly crossed for me.

Tomorrow could be a make or break day, me tinks!

Sleep soundly,

F xxxxxxxx

Oh, and one more thing...

However, Daniel, I feel I must tell you this…

I’m not a stupid girl.

I know that all these things he tells me – the “I love you”s, the “I want you”s, the “you’re so special”s – I know it’s just words and I know he’s a smart guy… he knows the right things to say to reel a gal in.

And I’m also not completely blind to the fact that there’s every possibility he has a whole string of girlies on the go. I mean, why not!?

Does it bother me? Hmm… no, I don’t honestly think it does.

I’ve come to know what guys are like.

I mean, get this… some guy (let’s call him Blondie) has been getting in touch with me, sending me cheeky flirty messages, making very suggestive comments… I’ve not been reciprocating in the same manner – I am a lady after all, Daniel! But anyway, there’s been all this over the past few months, and now I find out Blondie’s getting married!

I mean, fine, it’s cool… but he could’ve let me in on the secret, don’t ya think!? So… bye bye, Blondie – only room for so much complication in my little life.

 

Anyway, what was I saying?

 

Yes, I’m not a stupid girl you see, Daniel… I know it’s just words, and he could just be saying all the right things to keep me hanging. But boy, is he leaving me hanging!

I know he enjoys our “late night chats” (and, I can’t tell a lie, so do I), and that may well be a reason for him leading me on…

I think, though, deep down, I don’t want him to be keeping me sweet just for the late night chats.

I like the feelings he gives me (not just during the late night chats!)… I just like him. Really really like him. Woah!

Aaaaanyhoo! I’d better leave it there before you get earache, dearest Daniel…

Mwah! xxxxxx

Smiling, still!

Daniel,

Guess what… I’m still smiling!

Feeling slightly apprehensive that I may be being lulled into a false sense of security, but there’s definitely still a smile.

Amazing how one person can do that to you.

But, like I said, still feeling a little apprehensive.

I slept almost right through last night, and that’s the first time in a long time that that has happened. I definitely feel like I’ve got my head a bit more straightened out – at last!

Still can’t shift the niggling doubt that I’m setting myself up for a fall, though…

What d’you think? Am I just walking into a trap?

If I were one of my friends I’d be screaming at me to walk away now before it gets too intense.

But what’s too intense?

Surely there’s either ‘intense’, or ‘not intense’?

And this, with Mr E, it is intense. But I kinda likes it!

Oh man, I just don’t know!

I guess I just have to enjoy it for what it is now and if (and when) Mr E decides it IS the right thing to stop, then, well, we’ll stop, I guess…

But I don’t want to think about that just now.

I’ll be happy and smiley with how things are at the moment and cross my fingers that they continue in this vain.

Cross your fingers too, Danny Boy? For me?

I’ll close there… I fear I’m starting to sound like a total girl!

F xxxxxx

What I liked about today...

Dear Daniel (and anyone else who may be reading),

I didn't like this morning... the feeling of uncertainty; the "should I, shouldn't I?"; the "am I being a total girl by waiting for him to text"; the leaving long enough to look "cool" before texting him back...

It's all a game, isn't it? It's a game I love, when I'm winning... it's a game I think I don't want to be a part of when I feel like I'm losing.

But... BUT, dearest Daniel... I think I'm onto a winner again...

Why?!

Well, let me tell you...

Mr E... he has redeemed himself. Yes, I know I shouldn't give in, and I know Dizzy Gordon Bond and my magical friend would be trying to shake some sense into me if they could see the loony smile on my face right now... but he's redeemed himself, and I think all is well again.

We both know the score, we both know what we are (or aren't) getting out of this. So, I figure, if we're both upfront and honest with each other, what could possibly go wrong??

No, really, Daniel tell me... what could possibly go wrong? And remember, Fleur doesn't get hurt... so that can't happen.

Silence? Ah... so nothing can go wrong? Thanks, you've reassured me... so, this thing with Mr E will continue, for now!

Watch this space...

Mucho loves

xxxxxxx

Anyone else who may or may not be reading... please feel free to let me know if you are or aren't reading..! Or maybe this is really just between me and thee, Daniel?

Warning - this diary entry may contain mucho sarcasm...

Danny Boy,

Today couldn’t really get any better.

You want to buy me Jimmy Choos? No, no! Today is the best day ever, n’avec pas the Choos!

What’s that you say? Mark Owen isn’t getting married after all? (Excuse my strange Owen-esque crush...) He wants to marry me? But no! I don’t need him; today is thrilling enough already!

Johnny Depp? No thanks.

Jared Leto… tempting, but no need.

The cute one out of JLS? Not needed today! (Again, apologies for strange little crush.)

Today just couldn’t possibly get any better. Today is full of sunshine and sparkles, smiles and cheer.

Today is, quite frankly, the best “day before a horrible difficult day tomorrow” I’ve really ever truly had.

Hmm…

Thank goodness for my friend, the only one who can make me smile just now. He’s my knight in shining armour. I wish I could make him realise how much he means to me. I wouldn’t be coping in the run-up to tomorrow if it wasn’t for him.

Only one thing could make today better, and I have a feeling it may be on the horizon. My predictions aren’t usually wrong.

And I’m doing the typical Fleur thing and preparing myself for it.

By preparing myself, I mean: the barriers are up, Ice Queen is in town, and no-one’s coming in.

So, do excuse me if I’m quiet for a wee while – it’s just my style.

I wish I could bring myself to be quiet with him. Y’know? I wish I could be the one to stop the texting. In all honesty, it probably is the right thing to do – no texting, no talking, no nothing… I don’t want that, it’s the last thing I want, but it’s probably what’s right.

I just can’t do it though. I’ll miss him too much… I already miss him. And I hope he doesn't stop texting me... 

Crazy.

Yours,

F xxxxx

** Please be aware of sarcasm in this diary entry… 

Magical Friend

Dear Daniel,

It's amazing what friends can do to you. The girls did their best last night to cheer me up, and for their effort I give them ten out of ten. But it wasn't happening, just wasn't in the party spirit.

Then today I saw my bestest friend and it's like he sprinkled pixie dust over me, because all of a sudden I managed a smile! I even laughed, dammit!!

Magical friend. Wish he could find his Princess Charming, he deserves so much more than he has right now. I know who he wants but it's not good for him. Not that he'll listen... gosh, aren't we alike? He's such a good guy, the best one I know. He'll make someone very proud one day. And as long as that someone can handle our friendship, then bring it on! He deserves it.

As for Mr E... well... I just don't know. I know what I want but I can't read him at the moment. I just wish either way he'd do whatever it is he's going to do. If he's not interested anymore then just cut me loose, so to speak. Don't drag it out, just cut to the chase, be a man, and put an end to whatever this thing is that we have. It's all about being cruel to be kind... it might sound harsh, but if he's done with this then I'd rather he just told me straight.

If it's not going to be the end, then we can't go on treading on eggshells like it feels we are at the moment. I don't like eggshells, they graze my feet. I want things to go back to how they were a week or so ago.

In fact, I want to go back to a few years ago and find Mr E then... hindsight's a wonderful thing.

And then there's Mr D. I haven't heard too much from him this weekend because he's been away with his parents - some family wedding or other... but that's ok, has given me some breathing space. It was starting to get a little suffocating, almost a little full on.

I've decided I'm not ready for suffocating and full on. So now I've got to cool it off. It's not what I want yet, and it's not worth it for how it's making me feel elsewhere and for what it's ruining with other people... that probably only makes sense in my wee head!

Right, Sunday evening so time to crash in front of the TV!

Sweet dreams

xxxxxx

Welcome back, Ice Queen

Happy Sunday to you, Daniel!

I'm sticking by what I said. Icy exterior is back.

I figure this: I've never been hurt before, right? And I've always had the Ice Queen thing going on (rather fetching, don't ya think?!). So, put two and two together = Ice Queen doesn't get screwed over.

So there you have it. A bit of mental arithmetic for a Sunday morn! Clever, eh?

Not just a pretty face (supposedly...).

And, relax...

xxxxxx

Dizzy Gordon Bond

Daniel,

I have a friend... his sleep patterns aren't too dissimilar to mine. He's kept me company tonight while my girls carried on dancing in town... he's very sweet! Dried my tears for me and - cheesy as - turned my frown upside down!

Girls are en route to Chez G just now... and they've bought me cheesy chips - reeeesult! Not thinking of my hips tonight!

Wonder if anyone else might be thinking of my hips tonight. After the past few days, I wouldn't be surprised if Mr E is trying to wipe me from his memory completely! I've had a few weak moments; it's not like me. I need to knock it on the head. It's so not attractive.

Fleur doesn't get hurt. Stepping into dangerous territory the past few weeks though... dangerously close to verging on getting hurt. But no, from now it stops.

Hello Ice Queen! Welcome back... we've missed you...

Loves

xxxxxx

An unexpected early night

Dearest Daniel,

Drinks with the girls didn't quite go to plan. The "one who's sleeping with my ex" was there, so that put my back up straight away. Not in the mood anyway, even my favourite Cosmopolitan (very Sex and the City!) couldn't perk me up.

Mr E has been funny today. Think it might have something to do with "the dates". I didn't mean them to make this happen. I prefer Mr E - shame I can't keep him. Mr Dates (from here on in known as Mr D) is nice, a real gent and treats me nicely. But the spark with Mr E - that's something else! I haven't found it anywhere else before.

But like I said, I can't keep him. And he's been acting funny anyway. Says he doesn't want to come in between Mr D and me. Says he doesn't feel any differently toward me, but at the same time says things like "I never wanted to hurt you"... so sounds like he is gonna do whatever it is that will hurt me.

I'd just like to put down, for the record, Fleur doesn't get hurt!

Here are a few other things, for the record - I'm a city girl, I work for myself, I work from home - my life is charmed, and it rocks!

I like dancing, shoes, lip gloss, eyeliner, my GHDs, BMWs, my friends, bacon sandwiches, cups of tea, cocktails and all things vino!

I don't like early mornings, sleepless nights, coffee (though I drink it), tomatoes, people with no manners, being a grown up, and hangovers.

Speaking of hangovers, it's 1am, I'm all cried out for one evening... I need to go and stare at the ceiling, I've an early drive home tomorrow that I don't fancy doing with a wine-y hangover!

G'night

xxxxxxx